is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
