i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
