On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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