when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
