Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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