All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
