you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
