Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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