Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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