**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
