You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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