saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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