I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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