I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
