He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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