airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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