OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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