it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
