when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
