i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize