I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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