My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
