On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
