we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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