Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
