do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
