You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
