i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
