he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
jump out the window naked night went bad
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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