peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
