I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You made out with two different species that night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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