Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
