I wish i was in the wii world.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
