VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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