Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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