were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
