I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
