I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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