I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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