so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
