haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
