so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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