Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
