so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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