But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
