i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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