I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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