official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
