Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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