I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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