That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
