Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
