oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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