and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
