i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
