had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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