i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
