His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
