Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
