your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
