I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
