can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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