Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
