I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
