By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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