Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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