Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
