I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
