everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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